Its time i sit down n write yet another post....yess its been really that long!!..i ended my previous post on a v depressin note..something that i am really ashamed of now because its v much unlike the real, exuberant, bubbly Amrita...but guyzz this Amrita that i am talking about is incomplete [read:nothing] without her friends....
I would have to say God has been extremely kind to me and i can do out with that tinge of nonchalance in my voice with ease now...yess the TERREFIC TRIO IS BACK again!!!.,..its really asking too much from Providence when you want your two best friends to be with you in college....but even the impossible does become possible at times...
So you would find 3 friends..one voluble....the other restrained and the third armed with new innovative ways to irritate me....the three of them trudging up the bus-stand wading through generous amounts of mud when relatively dry n slush when the Weather is not so kind and thoughtful..and yess you would find them making way to their favourite bus which would take them to their destination that talks of promises galore... especially whem the three of them decides to sit together....you'll find them unoblivious to the other occupants of the bus...immersed in their own cheerful banter... reminiscent of their blissful school days most of the time..sometimes the topic does shift to the oh-so -usual hot girls n hunks in college and their romantic exploits...sometimes ragging becomes the sole crux of their discussion..with girl no1 boasting of extremely friendly,sophisticated,intellectual seniors who condemns ragging as cheap and unintellectual....girl no 1 frequently elucidates every point by talking about the huge intellectual contrast between her department and theirs..[the other 2 sadly belongs to the same dept]..and also she has this habit of lecturing you blue into the face....After an eventful 1 hour highly rejuvenated..you would find cthe three warriors ready to combat any circumstances that comes their way as long as they have each other to fall back upon....sometimess girl no 1 is extremely elated to find other people from the SLS brigade and even a ignorant passer-by cannot miss out that that look of ineffable happiness as she exuberantly n cheerfully blurts out.."idiots...wassup with you guys!!"...those are the best moments of her life....nostalgia overflows and sometimes you would find her pushing back a tear or two..there's no reason for her to cry....yet sometimes things such as they have all "grown up".."mature individuals"...becomes suddenly starkly evident to her leaving her a bit shaken..To her "growing up" is something that does not come gratis but with a generous helping of increasing "detachment"..its this increasing detachment that brings tears to her eyess..girl no 1 is too sensitive for her own good..
girl no1 has made lots of friends in her department too..some shez indifferent to..some she absolutely adores..some she thinks are v sweet n ahh..the inevitable some..who keeps on reminding her..that therez so much that they know and she doesn't..its good in a way ..she feels at times..
Lately, girl no 1 has become v passionate about her chosen field and shez determined to be a winner this time..all in all unlike her previous thread of thoughts bout people being extremely unfriendly, distant and disinterested...her new opinion is definitely a departure from the previous and is more inclined towards being increasingly positive....and a large dosage of this positivity comes from the presense of her two best friends..she knows she can run to them whenever she wants to..
finally its the end of yet another hectic day and you would finds..RAts, Ritu n Amrita seated in S9 heading back home..ah sweet home..especially after a tired day....you would find dishevelled hair,tanned faces..but that look of vitality as they fill in each other in turn about how their day has been is unmistakable...
S9 is just not a bus for them....
m just too tired now...so i'll pause my post here..but therez more to S9 than just this....
missing SLS a lot.....
Amrita..[a part of my former self is back again..ritu..i love u]
Friday, July 31, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
THE EPOCH IN MY LIFE!!!
What's this weird thing about life.....there's this phase when you are dying to get something...you know this is it..this is what you want to do with your life and then the next moment..when you have got what you thought what you wanted, you suddenly look back and realize..you have got it all messed up!!..and then even before you realize it..you are actually skating on thin ice....its like the coveted cherry on the top of your ice-cream that tastes pathetically "sour"...i know i sound like one of those cliched 'difficult to please' types..who spend most of their times groaning bout the dismal treatment meted out to them by "Life"..especially when "Life" has been particularly fair and just to me....but somewhere i can't really help it. The truth about "LIfe" is that..He is the Big Boss and you have to accept that sooner or later....He always does have the upper hand..I hate it ..when someone tells me "its all destiny, dear..you can't go against god's wishes"..there's this vain, supercilious voice at the back of my mind desperatly urging me to blurt out then "You mind your own business while I mind mine...i choose my destiny..i don't let it choose mine!!"..in most cases, religiously living up to the bestowed tag of being arrogant and too straightforward for my own good, i have voiced my opinions vociferously which naturally never went down too well with my so called "well-wishers"....but the distorted truth about life is that some things are really predestined and its best you accept that...More than an after-thought, i write this post in a state og agitation and frustration....agitated; because i had not reflected once about what i was letting myself into, swayed by a insane, passionate frenzy...and frustrated..because..i do not see a way out of this quagmire..
I had always wanted to study eng hons..as i always nurtured a passionate, romantic frenzy of the concept of studying eng hons....its the place where you get to show your creative prowess..weave magic with your words...open up new untramelled vistas of all the highly energetic and inspiring political theories, romantic novels..it was the place where you get to read all those gripping, scintillating novels that you never got to read in school as your so called 'text-books'...spend hours in the land of literature romancing your favourite authors..it was the place where you had the choice to choose your own books..[after having spent two agonizing yearsin the materialistic world of science..i was lookin for a respite from the 'logical' tirade]...in a way you could say...studying english was to me akin to taking a trip in the land you love....you have always wanted to embrace, ever since the time you got hooked to the world of enid blyton..the world of pixies, elves, fairies,,boarding-school..and ah yess..the frenzied world of magic!!!..Magic Realism!!!, i prefer to call it now....the land where surrealism replaces your unromantic. materialistic Reality...so maybe i guess i was destined to be disappointed. I was in seventh heaven [read:super excited} when i suddenly found out i could call myself a JUDEan...trust me..[please do trust me on this one]..i have always wanted to be a JUDEan..have dreamt, fantasized about the concept so much that even before the results had actually come out..i would actually behave as if i was already there...so it was with mixed feelings i recieved the news..i was undoubtely elated [read: i spent the entire night awake pacing in my room, dreaming about all the new unexplored horizons that was going to open up]...in a way, gettin JU..marked a new epoch in my life..a bend in the journey of my life that alone had the immense fortitude to change my life forever....i quote one of my seniors saying this to me "You can either make or break your life at JU..the choice is ultimately yors!"...i felt myself weighed down by the immense debt of gratitude that i felt for God for blessing me with this opportunity at the most crucial juncture of my life..
So it was with a lot of pre-conceived opinions about it being highly acclaimed and offering the best courses in Calcutta, i went to class..having astronomical expectations from my three year stint at JU....and also i have heard oh so much about the so called "congenial" ambience...the secret in order to be happy is to stop expecting anything from life..there you go...am truly a genius when it comes to preaching and not practising all the advices that i so munificently hand out..
but somehow JU did not appeal to me....in a matter of few seconds [read:hours]..the image that i had created in my mind was smashed...somehow to me everyone seems to be disinterested, disinclined, unfriendly.....the floodgates opened up in my heart..and every moment that i seem to spend there reminds me of my days spent at SLS, the fun,the frolic, the camaraderie,the fights...the mimicry,the link-ups...as opposed to the silent. indifferent, cynical temparament that has come to describe "ME" today...the most frightening thing was that when i suddenly looked at myself today in the mirror..i was shocked to see a v disinterested person staring back at me..the look of vitality and the gregarious nature that had always been a part of myself was distinctly missing..i really do not remember the last time when i had laughed heartily over some joke which one of my many idiotic feriends used to crack ritually..i would do anything to getback to my 'idiotic' friends now...more than the apparent idiocy that describes them..its their simplicity which made all of us bond so strongly..its this simplicity which is definitely missing at JU and again its this simplicity which i am looking for here....ah so much for all the fantasies and dreams!!!...yess i can see that cruel, self-satisfied satanic smile on the Devils countenance that seem to spell out the infamous adage "do not count your chickens before they are hatched"....
But as i said..coming to JU does mark a v vital epoch in my life..something within me tells me ..my life is about to change forever!!..it might be for the better or for the worse..i do not know why but i think..the propensity is more on the latter..yet i am hoping that just lyk a zephyr amidst my disillusionment..JU would come to symbolize my haven just as it did 5 yrs back when i joined SLS..with uncertainity to bank upon then....i am hoping for the best and yess i do not hav any choice today other than to succumb into the hands of Destiny...
Amrita..[in a pathetic attempt to rediscover myself yet again]
I had always wanted to study eng hons..as i always nurtured a passionate, romantic frenzy of the concept of studying eng hons....its the place where you get to show your creative prowess..weave magic with your words...open up new untramelled vistas of all the highly energetic and inspiring political theories, romantic novels..it was the place where you get to read all those gripping, scintillating novels that you never got to read in school as your so called 'text-books'...spend hours in the land of literature romancing your favourite authors..it was the place where you had the choice to choose your own books..[after having spent two agonizing yearsin the materialistic world of science..i was lookin for a respite from the 'logical' tirade]...in a way you could say...studying english was to me akin to taking a trip in the land you love....you have always wanted to embrace, ever since the time you got hooked to the world of enid blyton..the world of pixies, elves, fairies,,boarding-school..and ah yess..the frenzied world of magic!!!..Magic Realism!!!, i prefer to call it now....the land where surrealism replaces your unromantic. materialistic Reality...so maybe i guess i was destined to be disappointed. I was in seventh heaven [read:super excited} when i suddenly found out i could call myself a JUDEan...trust me..[please do trust me on this one]..i have always wanted to be a JUDEan..have dreamt, fantasized about the concept so much that even before the results had actually come out..i would actually behave as if i was already there...so it was with mixed feelings i recieved the news..i was undoubtely elated [read: i spent the entire night awake pacing in my room, dreaming about all the new unexplored horizons that was going to open up]...in a way, gettin JU..marked a new epoch in my life..a bend in the journey of my life that alone had the immense fortitude to change my life forever....i quote one of my seniors saying this to me "You can either make or break your life at JU..the choice is ultimately yors!"...i felt myself weighed down by the immense debt of gratitude that i felt for God for blessing me with this opportunity at the most crucial juncture of my life..
So it was with a lot of pre-conceived opinions about it being highly acclaimed and offering the best courses in Calcutta, i went to class..having astronomical expectations from my three year stint at JU....and also i have heard oh so much about the so called "congenial" ambience...the secret in order to be happy is to stop expecting anything from life..there you go...am truly a genius when it comes to preaching and not practising all the advices that i so munificently hand out..
but somehow JU did not appeal to me....in a matter of few seconds [read:hours]..the image that i had created in my mind was smashed...somehow to me everyone seems to be disinterested, disinclined, unfriendly.....the floodgates opened up in my heart..and every moment that i seem to spend there reminds me of my days spent at SLS, the fun,the frolic, the camaraderie,the fights...the mimicry,the link-ups...as opposed to the silent. indifferent, cynical temparament that has come to describe "ME" today...the most frightening thing was that when i suddenly looked at myself today in the mirror..i was shocked to see a v disinterested person staring back at me..the look of vitality and the gregarious nature that had always been a part of myself was distinctly missing..i really do not remember the last time when i had laughed heartily over some joke which one of my many idiotic feriends used to crack ritually..i would do anything to getback to my 'idiotic' friends now...more than the apparent idiocy that describes them..its their simplicity which made all of us bond so strongly..its this simplicity which is definitely missing at JU and again its this simplicity which i am looking for here....ah so much for all the fantasies and dreams!!!...yess i can see that cruel, self-satisfied satanic smile on the Devils countenance that seem to spell out the infamous adage "do not count your chickens before they are hatched"....
But as i said..coming to JU does mark a v vital epoch in my life..something within me tells me ..my life is about to change forever!!..it might be for the better or for the worse..i do not know why but i think..the propensity is more on the latter..yet i am hoping that just lyk a zephyr amidst my disillusionment..JU would come to symbolize my haven just as it did 5 yrs back when i joined SLS..with uncertainity to bank upon then....i am hoping for the best and yess i do not hav any choice today other than to succumb into the hands of Destiny...
Amrita..[in a pathetic attempt to rediscover myself yet again]
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