It is inevitable that there are going to be major hiccups when you are trying to surmount a rather foreboding cliff. It doesn't get any easier especially when you are trying to combat your own inner negativities. Detailed Introspection followed by identification is the starting point. You are merely at the base of the cliff. You take another step forward. The climb ahead is arduous, rarely a journey that one would undertake voluntarily. With every painstaking step that you take forward you undergo your own spiritual metamorphosis. Not giving it undue importance, this spiritual change is as important as physical change. One always runs the risk of stagnation when there is no urgency to regenerate your soul.
Your soul is a living embodiment. You can't afford to let it starve. It needs to be fed regularly. Hygiene should be of utmost consideration. Everything must pass through a sieve before it reaches the Soul. Only when the impurities are discarded, you can say your Soul is on the path of regeneration. It is important to identify these impurities.
2011 has been all about identifying these multifarious impurities. I started my journey from the base, discontented and disillusioned. Every minute, every second since then has been a journey. With great Evil comes greater Good. This journey has been a constant reminder to refute the erroneous, discard the transient and reveal the true. The ultimate destination is not a measurable state. It is dynamic, profound and subject to constant change. It takes one years of assiduous practice to arrive at this state but only a second to deviate. I have deviated time and again. The only thing that has made me keep at it is genuine compassion and goodness. Compassion like goodness cannot be quantified in measurable terms. Every sentient being is capable of both. What matters is whether you are able to perceive this innate goodness in everyone. Only when you smile, the world will start smiling at you. I can't really remain knotted inside and expect the world to come and untangle me. No one is really bad when you actually look at the bigger picture. Everyone has their own justifications in place which can either be valid or invalid again according to you. Things get much simpler when you realize that no one has actually entrusted us with the responsibility to declare someone as right or wrong. To prove yourself right, you do not really need to prove someone else wrong. How righteous are we anyway? Freedom of speech does appear to be a very convenient contention here.
2011 has been all about undoing the baggage of things already done in a fit of impulsiveness and moments of displaced anger. Technically, it is impossible to undo things already done and on hindsight, I am happier this is the way it is. Looking back I really do not regret anything in entirety, apart from certain things in bits and pieces. You never know how strong your much talked about bonds of friendship are until the time they are tested. I am glad that I had to go through this test. I know who my true friends are. The rest are best left as acquaintances and it is best that one does not closely mingle with acquaintances. However, one person has been constant and there is little that I can do about it. Yes, at times it is ironical and extremely painful but I am willing to go through this pain in its entirety. This has been a conscious decision and I have inflicted myself a lot of pain, hurt and suppressed tears in the process but somewhere I have never been able to undermine the importance. I have realized, it is okay to hold on to what you believe in. Why is it so easy to grow distant when someone hurts you? We don't really decide anything here; it is always our ego and our false sense of vanity doing the talking. Dialogue is perhaps the only way to bridge the distance which is almost always self-imposed but taking the initiative would mean bending down and going back on what I had said once. One can't really surrender his ego here. Can he, now? The preferable option is to bind yourself, feign indifference and wave it aside with a dismissive flick. But I have realized, it takes a lot of resilience to stand up fearlessly for what matters to you , irrespective of what people have to say about you.
2011 has also been about finding my soul-sister, coming across the right people at the right time. Friends, who won't judge you for anything in the world because they have a certain amount of faith that can't really get erased overnight. 2011 has been all about heart to heart bonding in its purest essence. I do not ever think that just through mere words, I can give these people, the credit that they actually deserve. From their spirit of never begrudging, I have learnt what it means to be truly good. From them I have learnt, no matter how much people hurt you, it is not okay to hurt them back. I have learnt, no matter how righteous you are, NOTHING can justify your actions, when you are conscious of the fact that the other person is being hurt.2011 has also been about selflessly working for other people's happiness, doing everything in my power to resolve differences so that others can be truly happy. I have come to realize that it takes a lot of courage to be selfless but in the end it gives you a liberating feeling that nothing else can really compensate.
I am still nowhere near the top of the cliff but I want to believe that 2012 would see me further in this journey of self-improvement and spiritual regeneration of the soul.
