Call it queer or weird but she didn't want to talk to anyone which was so unlike her.She ruthlessly threw her cell phone with all the strength she could muster and hurled it at the blank wall in front of her. Her phone however withstood the torture and defiantly landed on the floor with a deafening sound.As if to establish it's defiance,it started vibrating seconds after it had been unceremoniously discarded.She switched off the intrusive little object and threw it right back on the floor.She did not know why she felt so agitated and disoriented all of a sudden.
She couldn't pinpoint the actual reason that had caused her to behave in such an uncharacteristic manner.This was the culmination of too many things at the same time.Her forehead was throbbing painfully.She desperately looked for an outlet to give vent to her frustrations.
She just wanted to sit down and think but she couldn't get her thoughts to cohere at a single point.Random images and disconnected memories flitted in and out of her mind.It was almost like she was looking at the inside of the kaleidoscope where the images kept changing with each turn.She was frantically searching for a reprieve from the deluge of past memories that kept coming back to her.
She was tired of every damn thing-tired of LIFE.She was tired of always having to keep up appearances-tired of being the cool-headed diplomat who wouldn't turn a hair even under the most excruciating circumstance.She had started to hate the image that people had of her in their minds.She knew her image fluctuated with the vagaries of her behaviour and different people had different opinions about her. Over the years,she had succeeded in creating contrasting multiple personalities of her own self which varied from people to people.She donned on the garb of the sympathetic listener,the cynical intellectual,the vivacious,garrulous eighteen year old and that of the confident,unassuming go-getter with equal ease.BUT for the first time,she was tired of the sense of obligation and commitment that had come to burden her like a millstone round her neck.She was tired of being misunderstood-tired of behaving in an expected manner-tired of pleasing everybody.
For the first time,she felt exposed in front of her own self and with the insouciance of an immatured,insecure child,she started screaming at the top of her voice and then spent,dissolved into convulsive sobs.
She switched on her phone.The text messages kept coming in one by one.Some expressed concern while some expressed reproach.Bo said "D,y is ur cel switchd off??i hav bin tryin 2 reach u ol day.hav u gone nuts??.plss respond".
Ana said "D,stop bhavin like a kid.do u even knw wat ur about 2 do?hav u lost it girl?i knw its difficult 4 u.pls v ol luv u.v want u 2 b happy."
Jay sed "Please pick up your phone.Do you think you can BEAR it?"
and the final text read "D, i know i hav hurt you badly.i hav been terribly mean,stupid,selfish.haven't ever tried understanding u.u hav always told me you are nothing without me but hav you ever wondered whether i am anything without you?i knw u love me a lot.please come back."
There was one thing that she could never face and that was rejection of her ego.
She remained unmoved and started deleting the text messages one by one.
She knew then that the time had come for detachment.
