The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind

There is a certain amount of madness in the air today- that kind of madness you would associate with a mad girl's love song. What is it about the mad girl that renders her version of love, a convincing degree of singularity?  Is it because she is not exactly capable of loving in the conventional manner, you know the conventional manner, where the woman expresses her love and in most cases is loved back in return? The usual drill follows, laughter at the silliest joke possible, tears at the slightest reproach. and then the never-ending fights and days of silence. There is a sudden intake of breathe and a even more sudden burst of clarity, the illuminating kind and the resourceful individual that you are, you are already striding towards the exit with a vengeance that would put even the most committed cynic to shame. Of course, there is a certain amount of melodrama involved in this elaborate charade of love. It is supposed to be that way after all. What is all this brouhaha about love if it is not dramatized enough? what is the purpose of a love story, if one does not shed copious amount of tears, ranting at length about the absolute inefficacy of a love story?

And then there is the ,mad girl's love song- when it is not exactly laughter and tears but fire and ice of the most tangible kind. When you see love course through your veins, burning you with a degree of conviction that would put sanity to shame.- the insane, reckless abandon with which you see yourself burn every moment, every second and you still don't want to back out.

and there exists a very thin line, a small glimmer of light between this kind of love and that. Of course, there are armed sentries posted at every corner, silently waiting for you to take the plunge.

Not again.

These days are a mad jumble of highs and lows, spent in a reckless almost bordering on irreverent ,lassitude. I really do not know where to place the comma accurately so I chose to so arbitrarily.You have every allowance to read this as a  valiant attempt to dismantle Order and embrace Anarchy.
I do not know what i want anymore and this is a very scary, unsettling position to be in. I feel strangely anchorless and devoid of any coherent emotion. Everything seems oddly syncretized together like all the minerals and nutrients so effortlessly packaged in one tiny capsule promising cure for a dozen ailments. Everything seems to be striving to find some semblance of Order against all the jarring disorderliness. Being a literature student , i could locate all this hybridization of emotions with obscure theories like Globalization and Acculturation and feel strangely competent and secure in my resourcefulness. Of course, all of this is utter crap- the sheer naivete of an urgent desperation to reclaim one's dwindling Self-belief. I have an exam today. This should explain the desperation of using heavy sounding jargon-realities of which doesn't really live up to all that eloquence. okay, all this act about Globalization and other such cultural nonsense was just a note to Self to get back to what I should really be doing at this strange hour of the morning.
Everything seems predictably silent at this hour. There seems to be Peace, rather some poor substitution of it. It all feels so despairingly delicate and fragile like thin shards of coloured glass that prickles when you accidentally step on it but crumbles under your feet. Poise or the lack of it. This Mind is a curious tangle. If I were not Me, I would have loved to inspect this Madness with more clinical precision.  It is strangely heartening to see how I can make such a fetching display of my Ignorance with such casual disregard. And the best part is there won't be too many people reading my nocturnal rantings, so i can afford to duck and silently creep away with some dignity intact. Not that I care much but one must always put up a  Show and it is only much more convenient to pretend to care, to glaze one's meaningless monologue with some semblance of  normative behaviour.
In other news, Love and Life makes for an extraordinary pair. Both can be transmuted into the other with such simplistic resolve that it almost becomes an oddity to talk about such fancy words with that convincing degree of reverence intact. Life is one big never ending extended joke. You just need to figure out how to laugh at the right moment. Love makes that laughter so much easier.

i can't help but crack up inside as to how dreadfully impersonal and vague i can afford to be on this blog.
On second thoughts, I wish i could really write about things that really matter.

zzzz..

There is that familiar feeling of lethargy sweeping over me, even as i settle down rather recklessly on my desk  to type this out.  But today, there is a purpose to this rambling. I am not going to rant about my sedentary life for a change. This life which is eminently magnanimous keeps giving you chances at redemption. Some are agile-running along dexterously from one check point to another while others saunter lazily down the hallowed lanes. They are the passive bystanders in this spectacular event where the more agile ones continually keep goading themselves to Victory.
Nonetheless even these anonymous bystanders ambling along at their own leisurely pace get a chance to salvage their ephemeral sense of  Self. After a series of missed chances and inability to comprehends targets, one day, just like that one ends up hitting bull's eye.
 Of course, it has to happen when you least expect it, when you are prodded into believing that it can never happen. It is particularly important that it leaves you shaking in utter disbelief. It is next to impossible to reaffirm a dwindling self belief in wake of full consciousness. This reaffirmation steeps into your being rather covertly when you are overtly assured of  impending failure.