Sit still.

I don't know why today I can't sit still at one place even for a moment. Even this, I am not being able to type in peace.  I feel oddly incapable of gathering my thoughts.  I haven't experienced such a degree of derangement in a long time. I do not know if this is a good sign.

Duuh, obviously that is because you are getting saner with each passing second. relax!

It is like, I close my eyes, real tight and I see this hazy, kind of sparkly fluorescent neon lights glaring back at me, grinning toothlessly in an alternating rhythm- a little bright, brighter, dim, dimmer and then Explode. I am drowning. I feel this undulating rhythm taking over me-sometimes a rage and then a warm, fuzzy afterglow the next instant and then again leaving a bitter acrid taste. It is not humanly possible to make sense of what I am feeling right now. I am greatly perplexed myself. I open my eyes and there are these dull splotches of colour staring right back impishly. It is all within me. The sound is deafening. I close my palms, clench my fist and feel my heart leap. Some tiresome being is weeping incessantly alternating between vociferous bawls and muted spasmodic pangs. It is all disturbing. Must there be a pattern here also? I am tired of patterns. I find myself whispering please in order to placate my trembling heart. I need to retreat. And then I am cowering under the altar, pleading redemption.

        

       'We were talking-about the space between us all

And the people-who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion

Never glimpse the truth-then it's far too late-when they pass away.

          Try to realize it's all within yourself

No-one else can make you change

And to see you're really only very small,

And life flows ON within you and without you.   '

Okay, relax now. Everything is fine.